I often wonder what on earth Madam and the Caretaker are talking about. Cyberspace…the Unconscious…Rights and Responsibilities…Existential this and that…CSI…They sometimes discuss quite unintelligible things such as the the tertiary education commission, strategic development, capital/debt ratios, transferable skills – well he does, as she nods off seeking solace in a glass of pinot gris. Transferable skills, for example…what might they be I ponder. Well,actually, now I know. You learn how to do a blog defending canine rights (very successfully, I might add) and then you transfer that skill into reflecting on the day to day life of probably the world’s most beautiful dog.
So today I’m feeling very suspicious as to why the Caretaker is looking so cheerful. It can’t be the weather – sadly, his very favourite subject – because we have been having an horrendous storm. It can’t be the food – sadly his second favourite subject – as even he seems to be getting bored with peanut butter sandwiches and icecream. It’s not the company of me and the Blob – she tells me she has been making him very anxious by the strategic placement of bird feathers around the house so that he spends half his time looking under chairs and behind cupboards. If he looked carefully he would see that the Blob is blobbier than usual. It could, of course, be quality assurance in tertiary education – a subject which, very, very, sadly, makes him almost orgasmic – but, according to his diary, that’s a week on Thursday. The most likely thing is that it’s me…the most perfect companion, golden, gorgeous, graceful…but that would apply all the time. Humanoids are very strange. Blob and I often say, I wonder what they’re thinking. If only they could tell us. Do you think they have emotions? Why are they so obsessed by food? Do they do anything without a reward? I wonder. If any of you can help us understand, we would be very grateful.